(Nitsuj and Joe are at the table with a new guy. Camera pans the crowd which are all waiting patiently for it all to start. Not a peep from anyone. PLEASE NOTE: "Diamond" Joe's voice is changed to white.)
Welcome to the second ever FCoGW Fridee. I'm here again with "Diamond" Joe Aardvark but there's no sign of the Doc, Joe!
No, the word is he has retired from Fridee until he gets his own show, but boy, are we gonna see blood tonight as I introduce our new commentator, DJ Seedy! Hey, man.
Fanks bruva, I'm a west-side bruva, an' happy to be wit' two great homeys!
Yes, well, what have we got in store for the fans tonight Nitsuj?
Well, first up we have The Bullseye Kid and President Kowalski facing off. A tag match between the West Islanders and Team Money Bags, another match between bLaCk KnIgHt and the Man. And the main event is Sitcom Sam defending his title against Alex Wood and Hawaiian Harvey.
Ain't dat da secon' match fo' Harv?
Well, you may recall last week's match against the Haughty Troupe where he took them both out single handed, with a double Pineapple and then the Island Dream.
Isn't it unfair to him, man?
Nope, maybe he's gonna bleed, and that's what we need, good, old fashioned blood spilling!
We now cross down to Springer.
This match is set for one-fall. From Detroit in Michigan, weighing in at 213 pounds and 6 feet 4 inches, the Bullseye Kid! ("I shot the Sheriff" by Eric Clapton plays. The crowd applaud lightly for him. He walks down arrogantly.)
And his opponent from Bucharest in Romania, weighing in about 200 pounds more than TBK, represented by Miss D-Vine, President Kowalski. (Some werid anthem plays over the speakers, as a large man in a brown suit walks out waving a small American flag, the crowd cheer for him loudly because they like immigrants who are bigger and more successful than them, look at Schwarznegger, who's in the crowd signing autographs holding a sign saying "Sorry about Batman & Robin, my manager made me do it!".)
DING! DING!
Da bell rings an' da Kid lands a spinning heel kick on Pres K.
That sent the great lug down as TBK tries to put Pres K into a sleeper hold. What the hell is he doing? They never work!
And the Romanian giant is asleep, as the Man makes his way down ringside to cheer on President Kowalski.
Miss D-Vine goes into the ring to wake-up Pres K but the ref stops her. The Man's in the ring.
Da Man hits the Kid wit' a DDT an' da Kid is down fo' da count! Da Man drags the sleepin' giant on top o' da Kid!
The ref thinks this is Pres K's cover and counts. 1-2-3! The sleeping giant wins.
Your winner, President Kowalski!
The crowd are cheering on the Man as he leaves the arena. President Kowaslki leaves not knowing what happened and a little more refreshed after that powernap he just had.
Well, nobody expected that to happen, huh?
Yo' never know what's gonna happen! An' yo' missed out on yo' blood spillin', man!.
I'll see some blood tonight, don't you worry about that, Lenny. We now go back to Jesse Springer.
This tag-match is set for one-fall. Coming in at a combined weight of 785 pounds, accompanied by Abe, the West Islanders. ("Got the Life" rings over the P.A. by Korn and the crowd cheer vigorously for them after last week's onslaught. Harvey carries Harry into the ring. Abe looking at the Americans with Sam signs.)
Their opponents, representing D-Vine Intervention, weighing in at a combined weight of 646 pounds, J.L. Dollars and Loose Change, Team Money Bags! (The crowd cheer because they're friends of the Man. And their manager's a sexy chick too.)
DING! DING!
First o' two fo' Harv an' ow, kick to da, owie!!!!
Holy crap, I can feel that in my lunchbox, ow heck!
Whilst these two cry, Harvey does to as he nearly spits his gonads out of his mouth. Loose Change stomps on his head.
Gees, that was one harsh, harsh maneouvre! As Loose Change tags out.
J.L. in the ring now, he climbs to the top of the turnbuckle and flying kneedrop onto Harvey. Harvey crawls to the corner clutching his groin.
He tags Harry an' comes runnin' in an' clothesline.
Harry falls and J.L. tags Loose Change. They both have Harry around the neck. Looks like Meter Money, a double DDT, and it is!
The crowd roar as they stand Harry up for another one. Meter Money! And a third!
Ref warns 'bout da pin so LC puts a boot on Harry's head.
But Abe dives under the ropes and makes the save! So Team Money Bags hit him with the Meter Money!
Wow, and J.L. elects to Loose Change to do the Isand Dream on Abe.
This is the West Islanders finisher they're doing, J.L. throws Abe and clothesline.
Harv's still in da corner grabbin' his nuts. J.L. goin' fo' da power-bomb, he does an' L.C. spikes it hard!
Here's your winners, Team Money Bags.
Well, that was an onslaught and I think that Harry has a blood nose, and Harvey probably has a blood clot after that size fourteen from Loose Change.
The respect I have for D-Vine Intervention just increased with that murder. As we see Abe dragging out the West Islanders.
This grudge match is set for first blood. From New York, New York, represented by D-Vine Intervention, the Man! ("Sexy Thing" plays and the crowd go bananas after the last two wins by the stable. The Man points and kisses again.)
And his opponenet from Memphis, weighing 386 pounds and 6 foot 8, bLaCk KnIgHt! (The crowd cheer because they respect him, "Black Night" by Deep Purple play as the freakily dressed man walks out.)
DING! DING!
This is a hardcore match so there are no disqualifications, the first one to bleed loses.
This is the second gimmick match these to have been in. As D-Vine Intervention all come in and hold bK.
And Miss D-Vine has pulled out a Lady Schick! They're shaving his legs.
Da fine lady is shavin' his legs an' looks like she knicked 'em.
Looks like she knicked him and there's a little blood.
That's not much, surely that don't count? More blood! More!
Well there's the bell and the Man has won this contest. A weak effort I say.
Here's your winner, the Man.
To add an insult to dat win he had his legs balded up. Least he got a look down her top!
Well, that's a damn weak effort, five people onto one! And only a drop of blood, p-lease!
This is a handicap match set for one-fall for the FCoGW Alliance Hero Title, making his way to the ring first, Alex Wood. ("F@#k the Police" plays by NWA.)
Next from Pahoa, Hawaii, accompanied by Raoul the Pineapple, Hawaiian Harvey! ("Freak on a Leash" by Korn plays. He's still holding his groin and a pineapple with a painted face in the other.)
And finally from Salt Lake City, the Alliance Hero, Sitcom Sam with Janitor Joe! (The theme to Rugratz plays as a Tommy look-alike comes out. It's Sam.)
Well, what a problem that guy has!
DING! DING!
Day bot' attack Sammy, looks like botha dese men want dat belt.
They run towards him, Sam ducks and their heads collide! Blood sprays as they both cut their heads.
Sam runs up to Alex Wood and whips him into the corner. Now whips Harvey into the corner. OW!
Sam goes to follow but Harvey jumps over the side rope and he hits Wood.
Big Al' has fallen so Sammy's goin' fo' da Idiot Box. Runnin' power-bomb!
Harvey climbs in the ring to spoil the cover by lifting up Sam and throwing him at the turnbuckle.
Sam's face practically splatters on the pole.
Harvey has Sam by the hair and is going for the Island Dream. Spinning around and around.
Al' climbs up on da top rope an' he slingshots himself at Harv. He takes da boy right outta contention!
The best advice I've seen all night is on Al's shirt and Sam didn't take notice. Here comes the Woodpecker!
Sam just got hit with a reverse swinging neckbreaker. Remember, you have to pin Sitcom Sam for the belt folks!
Al goes for the pin but Harvey grabs him by the hair and Sam too! Another double Pineapple!
He lets go o' botha dem, he grabs Al'. Power-bomb! Piledriver! Wowee!
Wowee?!? He takes Sam and jack-knife power-bomb. He goes for the pin! 1-2-3! We have a new Hero folks!
Hawaiian Harvey is the new Alliance Hero!
Your new FCoGW Alliance Hero, Hawaiian Harvey.
An' Harv is in da ring celebratin' wit' a painted up pineapple, what a classy win.
You'd know coming from the west-side! I thought that Al was gonna get it then. But boy, was blood spilt or what?
I don't fink da blood bank has as much blood in it as da mat does, man.
Well, there you go. DJ Seedy thinks and Hawaiian Harvey the new FCoGWAlliance Hero. I'm Nisuj Yssov sigining out.
I'm "Diamond" Joe Aardvark and I'll see you next Fridee.
Fanks fo' watchin' us Homeys, dis is DJ Seedy an' da crew signin' out o' here!